Dear Mum9 years ago today you left me at 10am. That day you also left some gifts because the day didn’t end without a miracle happening in our lives.When Jim told me you had rested that evening – I was so sad – I had hoped to come to hospital and read to you my new contract the same time you breathed your last. I remember the evening before when I sat and combed your hair plaiting it into neat matutas – the doctor said that even with the coma you could hear us. At that time I told you just how much you meant to me…..the thought of you suffering filled my heart with pain and I would have done anything to make you better.I think that you are now in a much better place…where there is no pain or affliction. I was the last one you spoke to before your coma – and the last words you shared with me remain in my heart.Mum you were so amazing, so beautiful and such a gift. I am so honored to be your baby…and ever so thankful you were in my life…I know you were on borrowed time – remaining strong and graceful doing your best for us all without much thought to your own needs ambitions and desires…I do miss you. Very much so. Sometimes I get really sad, like today and ask myself why you had to leave.I live in the constant hope that I might get the chance to meet you once again and fall into your loving embrace. I hope that I hear your voice once more…I well…sigh…just keep hoping….I love you Mum…my queen, my heart, my friendHumbly and with lots of loveChiqy
I decided to save a trip to the local sports club and make a telephone inquiry after I lost my car park Sticker for 2009 and looked in all my hiding places in vain…..
This is how the bizarre incident went….
“Hi I lost my parking sticker and would like know the process to get a replacement and the penalty for the replacement.” I began.
“Eh ati, I don’t know. You mean you lost yours? Aii that on you have to talk to the Club Secretary its only him who can help you.” said the telephone receptionist.
I laughed internally thinking – she must be new or kidding – why call and ask for management for a routine query that most administrators would know the basic procedure.
But what the hell let me just put the receptionist out of her misery.
“Ok put me through thanks.”
“Yes hallo…” said Club Secretary Ashford Kimani.
“Yes hello, Bwana Secretary, I lost one of my parking sticker for 2009 and would like to know the process of replacing it and what it would cost me I have been referred to you.”
“You are a member or?” he asked.
“Yes” I replied.
“You’re calling from where?”
“Nakuru.”
“Nakuru where?”
Seated in a car near Standard Chartered (Why do people ask this very stupid question????)
“Ok why don’t you come over and I tell you what you need to do.”
“ thanks I am on my way.”
TWENTY FIVE MINUTES LATER in a cab charging waiting fee…I arrive at the club
“Hi am Melissa and I spoke to the C.S on phone told him am coming to see him about replacing a lost sticker.” I ask at one of the manned desks near his office.
“OK am sorry his left but can you wait for him or come back another day?”
“Well I did say I was on my way here – maybe his left a message with one of you?” I asked looking around at the office.
No one budged.
“No kwani he can’t even leave a message with someone when he leaves?”
All the people in the office avert their eyes as though to say to me – SO NOW YOU WANT WHAT???
I head to the reception and ask if they can track the Secretary – they confirm he left the premises for lunch – am looking quite pissed so they quickly offer me his cell phone number to just speak to him directly.
“Hello Sir this is me….I said I was coming to see you about replacing my sticker but they tell me you’ve left….”
“Yes you think work will stop because you said you were coming….” he retorts back.
“okkkkkaaayyy…. But if you needed to step out the very least you could have done is left a message with one of your administrators so things don’t have to be at a stand still when you step out ama what do you think?…”
“And anyway you didn’t ask for an appointment! So you don’t expect me to wait for you….anyway go talk to my secretary I left her a message…”
“You mean Triza at the reception or??”
“That is not my secretary!” (So how the hell am I supposed to know am dying to ask but didnt?)
“Bwana Secretary I don’t think your being very nice or polite you know ….”
“Work cannot stop because you said you were coming….I was called outside and I am busy.”
(Cutlery clicking in the phone background….yeah right busy got that…)
PS. PLEASE NOTE THAT HIS OFFICE CONFIRMED HE STEPPED OUT FOR “LUNCH”.
“Ok let me talk to Catherine…” I hang up.
BACK AT THE MAN’S OFFICE
“Hi are you Catherine? The Club Secretary said you have my message about the process of replacing a car sticker.”
“Me? No he didn’t tell me anything. Let me find out.”
She walks out and calls him on his cell phone. She comes back after a few minutes.
“OK if you lost your sticker then we cannot help you. We only issue two maximum that’s what he had said.”
I look at her….wondering whether to scream.
So I called and inquired if it was possible….they said come we tell you how….then I get there and he tells his secretary to tell me “sorry its not possible to get a replacement!” they could have saved me the trouble and said that on phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walk off instead.
That’s a regular Nakuru “manager” power trip for you….no wonder the Rift Valley Sports club standards are down to the dogs…..and they cut the trees! But that’s a rant for another day…
Poor show Bwana Secretary …very telling for Club Members….
My home town Nakuru is still picking up its social and economic pieces after the Post election violence. The town was adversely affected last year when insecurity heightened and a curfew was imposed to reduce the number of casualties.
I would like to take some time and talk about a few Nakuru women and their stories.
Today I pick a very special lady for her strength and will to survive.
Mama Ng’endo IDP from Londiani
Mama Ng’endo is an IDP from Londiani near Kericho.
She barely escaped death with her 5 children when aggressors burnt their home down without warning. Good Samaritans got them to Nakuru.
Her husband had left that morning to look for work; she had no idea whether he made it out in time.
She got to the IDP camp set up at the Nakuru Showground and registered her name just in case her husband came across it. But looking at the swelling crowds and rush for food she opted to leave the camp to seek help outside.
She went from house to house begging for food or clothes. She knocked on our gate one day at around lunch time. We welcomed her and shared some ugali and vegetables as she narrated her sad tale to us. Her main worry was her husband – she went to the Red Cross desk almost every day but there was still no word. We all tried to stay positive and encourage her.
She had her youngest child on her breast and he looked up at me with these huge eyes sad and tense; I could not begin to imagine what the child had witnessed in the few past weeks.
After the meal we gave her some supplies and a little money to help with the rest of her children and wished her well.
We learnt later that Mama Ng’endo’s husband didn’t make it.
She had little time to mourn as she now needed to focus on how to support her children. My dad helped her with a little capital to start up a liquid soap business. She is very committed to the venture – the returns though are paltry but it is a start.
Mama Ng’endo’s soap is quite effective and we use it a lot in the house.
She is now a frequent visitor here.
She set the kids up in a little shack in Ngacura near the local school so they can get on with education.
Whenever she visits, she always has a ready smile and a warm greeting. My heart reaches out to her but she likes to focus on light and happy things. I want to sometimes hug and hold her and tell her things will one day be alright. Instead, we share a cup of tea and chat about general things. She hardly complains but you can see in her eyes silent suffering.
I admire her spirit.
Sometimes, one sees a trace of sadness in her face when a dark memory fleets past and she stares down at her hands, willing tears back then she looks up with fierce determination getting on with the chat slowly regaining her composure…
I would like to celebrate Mama Ng’endo today. She constantly fights against remaining a victim of the cruel events that took place in the recent Post Election Violence.
Capitalists are cashing in this Valentines by convincing you to show your affection to your beloved by buying something sweet, fragranced or cuddly…I always said if I wasn’t so lazy I would consider this business but alas I am a writer and would rather sit back and watch the drama unfold…..then write about it…
Valentine Day finds women in various phases of their lives…
Some little girls smile and giggle at the sight of love birds showing affection building their own castles in the air….
Bashful girlfriends waiting hoping and wondering what their chivalrous boyfriends would do…
There are also those who believe that Valentine is meant to be celebrated everyday and is therefore a routine day…
Or that it’s a waste of time and money….you know whatever makes you tick…
What amazes me is that 10 years ago valentine day was little known in Kenya…..nothing much happened – but lately our FM stations, TV’s and shops are colonized by the frenzy of activities it attracts. It is a bit much.
Last evening I got a thank you hug from my son for some thing or other I had done for him.
I was typing away on my computer, a bit distracted as I mumbled back …”love you”…then he paused and held his cheek against mine for a few extra seconds and said to me,
“Mum, I love your skin because it’s soooo soft.”
All at once I lost my trail of thought and held my son closer rather touched by his words (and to check if he had a fever since pre-teens are never mushy – unless of course they want something)…
His gesture and expression of love was spontaneous, simple and so sweet. It spoke volumes. I thought about how easy it would be to take these little things for granted…..
Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to have a special day to celebrate love.
But it might also be less sycophantic if we show a little bit of this affection in our daily lives too.
I believe women drive the course of relationships mostly because we are smarter and more sensible. Sometimes though, we get a little carried away with our expectations and benchmark ourselves with others too much…
Then those annoying little remarks (which are so unattractive) come to the fore,
“Mary gets roses every week, how come you don’t send me roses…”
“Why don’t you do this for me…why don’t you do that for me…?”
It progresses to a whine and soon no one wants to hang around you long enough to hear your tirade…bitterness and rage has a way of revealing a mirage of hideousness….we need to learn to let go and lighten our loads focus on what we really symbolize….
We are these amazingly soft but strong beings. Beautiful inside and out.
We have enough wisdom to help nudge our loved ones in the right direction without seeming condescending…
We have enough love to see past our children’s faults and patiently guide and interest them to a much better life…..
We have enough self-esteem to sit in the midst of chauvinistic men and hold our dignity and earn their respect without aloofness.
We hold ourselves together for the good of the family and the community…the world…
We just have to believe in ourselves…
We are always needed, wanted, desired and loved.
As we celebrate this day of love, I choose today to honor our women…the key to true love…
I got a message today from an Editor that the US Embassy in Nairobi were looking for me regarding a story I did in their newspaper.
The piece was about an extraordinary girl called Maureen who helped the bedridden in Kibera access food and supplies in the height of the post election violence.
I was most curious and got in touch with them as soon as I could.
It turns out they want to invite her for a women’s event in May and just needed her phone number. I found it a little perplexing they didn’t just check the public directory and find the organization she was working for and track her down in one sure step. Go figure…
Anyway there were many such heroic stories. Many Kenyans needed to hear these positive accounts to raise hope that perhaps we still had some decency left in us even in the midst of that needless violence.
So a group of writers and photographers decided to document these great accounts, delve into the lives of ordinary people with extraordinary hearts. http://generationkenya.co.ke We took time off work, volunteered our time, money and enthusiasm to spread the good word of Kenyan heroes. As we spewed out hundreds of proposals to the Kenyan Corporate world, it became increasingly obvious that the culture of Philanthropy is not nurtured much in Kenya and a great idea fell through the cracks of lack of support. Such a shame. Documenting positive history is such an integral part of our heritage.
I recently had the opportunity of working briefly with Ufadhili Trust. They did a case study on Philanthropy in Kenya during the post election violence. The trends of their report indicated that Kenyans do have a culture of giving and that this needs to be cultivated and ingrained in our daily lives. Working with this dedicated group of people made me realize that we have people who perpetually document optimism in Kenya. We hope some day soon this constructive investment pays off.
In retrospect, the Post Election Violence brought out some good in us. That dark phase gave us an opportunity to emerge from our mediocre lives and express our compassion to those affected. It was also clear that many who reached out to help did not seek any gain; these were pure and unprecedented selfless acts of human kindness.
It’s a Kenyan thing.
Why then are we colonized with cut throat Kenyan Corporates who seek only to brand themselves and push sales and PR stunts?
As it were, if we their stakeholders are suffering or sick or dead how many sales would they push then?
I find it pretentious that some Kenyan Corporates set up whole policy documents on “Our Company’s (Truly…Truly) Philanthropy Division” independent so to speak from the profit making section…then require their applicants to do a follow up on how supporting this “noble venture would make their company look good…”
The secret is out - nothing makes a company look better than plain unadulterated giving…Some old adage says “You can’t receive if you don’t give.”
And so how much do we expect to receive each day anyway? As an individual; in remuneration or appreciation?
Or perhaps as a corporate – in share profits, daily sales and returns?
Perhaps the real question we should in fact ask is how much we give out first…
~Mum and I~
Nakuru Time
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