Wearing the Year Lightly

Tethering to the present moment

Declaring 2023 a challenging year would be, by all means, an understatement. I'm thrilled to put it behind me. That said, I do feel there is something to appreciate about dealing with such numerous adversities… we did a test run of my resolve, and I am glad to say as I write this, I am still standing with a few battle scars to show for it.

One of my most profound observations this year is my renewed admiration for my body and its fighting spirit. As Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés calls the body, our consort and co-warrior. This year, I paid more attention to how it sought safety and connection and its impact on my day-to-day life. One resolution I made earlier this year was to become a student again and learn and listen to my body much more.

The journey so far has been a gratifying experience - the notion of restoring wholeness rather than simply seeking a cure makes more sense to me. 

In my experience, solely seeking cures is such a sinking hole because often it is beyond our reach and control. I chose instead to concentrate on rebuilding my relationship  with my body as a more radical road to recovery; and this new way of being offered each moment as a possibility for discovery and surprise. I find these such powerful antidotes to obscure pain and discomfort. 

The second and quite exciting thing this year was learning how to choose myself first after a lifetime of being conditioned to prioritise everyone other than me.  Lately, I have noticed I am not interested in being a passive passenger in my life journey. 

All the parts over the years that were silenced, rejected, and lost are making their dissatisfaction in remaining exile known. 

So a reclamation of me is now in the making. And I am familiarising myself with the most difficult assignment in life, to ask for help when I need it. Now, I am not sure where these rabbit holes will lead, but I am so thankful for the support, companions, torchlights, and teachers placed on my path to sustain me through the uncertainty. What a distinct sensual experience when life is not trapped under the sovereignty of constant fear, anger or pain.  

I believe we a need a little bit of everything - fear, anger, madness, play, tears, passion, and loftiness when going on a momentous voyage such as life. The wisdom of needing equanimity has never been as punctual and resonating for me at this time. What is life without the essence of me in it... What is ‘me’ if it is wallowing in the past or anxious about a future that is not guaranteed? 

So here I am, ready for a new week. It's busy and intense in ways I cannot begin to describe. But the day had to start with my covenant to myself... Which is me tending to what I need to get by each passing second, minute, hour, day and month ahead... There will be many, many interjections in the course of the time to check in with self and see how ‘I am doing’... Have I eaten, rehydrated, stretched, smiled, walked in nature, or taken a break? All the things I need to keep gently and lovingly tethered to the present... That is all I can offer myself and then to the world... 

Hmmm.. So it has been a lovely year after all. No matter what I remain grateful for everything and everyone who were in my orbit.