Sikiliza

Here is a photo of me in my mother’s florist shop circa 1993. I was in form 2 in boarding school and when we closed we were expected to do our share of chores. Jim my bro (he had finished university or his uni internship I think) and I work at this particular shop for a while. If you look closely at the background, that is Jim on the left back next to a next of fresh cut white carnations in a yellow bucket and near the monstera plant. He was really good at doing the wire and mesh work and making the moss sticks for wreaths and to prop up creeper plants like money maker and monsteras. Mum is on the right hiding behind the newspaper she hated photographs. The shop was called Mariana’s Florist. Jim and I learnt to do lots of things i.e. make bridal floral bouquets, funeral wreaths in round and heart shapes, take care of the indoor plants that we sold...I was very good at sales and our bestsellers were African violets and money makers both of which were said to bring a home good luck...

These are the only words I can muster that attempt to describe the loss of my brother ....my friend ... the one I loved and fought with all my life until he left me.... “In life we gain and we loose... but sometimes our losses are staggering in their size and magnitude that we barely survive the huge hole it leaves in us....When part of you is cut off there is pain both in the absence and in the healing of the wound.... gaping wounds take their time to heal and scar...there is a lot of pain and soreness in this loss...I long reach out only to find you are no longer here... it hurts. rest Swes rest there is no pain where you are because I took it all. It is well.  Chiqy” RIP Binya 1 year gone

Someone used the words justice warrior  recently and something jolted inside me. I recognised the word that could easily describe in an all encompassing way, who I am. I am a warrior for justice... I stand up with conviction and attempt to fist pump in the air. My left hip buckles with bolts of intense pain shooting through me and this faltered my movement. I saw a faint shadow of me fall on the window glass.... it surprised me at first so I peered again closer because my brain took a moment to recognise its own reflection... The staring led me to squint and lean forward collapsing my posture somewhat and with it the resolve that shot me up from my seat in the first place.  This wasn’t very justice warrior like and I shuffled back indoors. The bright of the sun-rays crept in falling on the full length mirror by the corridor. The light startled me as I walked past my reflection. I stopped short and settled my gaze on my eyes first. While my face was free of expr...

I fumbled to express the depths of my desires... I sought in vain to find it in the stories and voices of others.... I walked a thousand paths to countless nowheres... I dreamt but failed to clutch handfuls of fantasy  But like clouds, they drifted .... Then, one day I found your soul ... I settled my heart in your room  Filled with warm sultry spaciousness  And I parched the deep thirst  That I always longed for; You are my love’s purpose...  and I drink you each day....