Ebb, Flow, Grow: Birthday Reflections

For my birthday this year, I have been reflecting deeply on the past twelve months. So much is profoundly different from this time last year—so much so that when I got the opportunity to be in the same physical space as my last birthday, I jumped at it. So, I sit here now, having escaped the cold, wintery Murang’a for a slightly sunnier spot, reflecting on what this birthday is bringing up for me.

One overwhelming feeling is gratitude. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to be present and to mark yet another year in this crazy, mad world. What a time to be alive, witnessing so much heartbreak as well as its antidote and expressions of deep compassion. Surviving and thriving these days seems like nothing short of a miracle each waking day.

There are many ways I work through my feelings and emotions, each finding a different string and pattern to run with. In some ways, they truly work themselves out through my beadwork. I love the idea of unstringing and putting the beads back together into something new, a metaphor for how I approach my own inner shifts.

Knick-knacks that brought me joy this year...

I was reflecting to my partner today just how much my latest beadwork pieces were bringing out an expression I had not explored before. Each piece truly took on a life and design of its own. “They” decided what fit, what went with what—which colors, crystals, and overall design. Their symmetry was on its own tangent; despite the earrings coming in pairs, none of the pieces wanted to be replicated. Each fought fiercely for a sense of uniqueness, and its own identity. 

I call these favs of mine “String Greens” spiced with citrine chipped stones at the ends...

They almost screamed to be left alone with their rough edges, their beautiful asymmetry, to stand out both as a single piece and as part of a set.

I resonated deeply with this process and so simply went with the flow. The resulting collection was one that I would call my most personal, because each piece was a jigsaw of a bigger mirror reflection of my ongoing inner-work journey. I wore the pieces like body armor—to protect me, to remind me, to caress me, to ground me, to hug me, to spark, to glow... and grow me.

Accessories are body armour for me...

This birthday, I want to acknowledge and extend deep gratitude to all the roads that led me here – the paths, some rough, others smooth, that have molded me into who I am. I am profoundly thankful for those who came before me, for everyone who has influenced my life, and for those who offer me grace and love. I am beautifully shaped by the full spectrum of both loving and difficult encounters.

As I sit here, reflecting on 12 months of transitioning towards choosing me—my well-being, the projects, and the people I want around me—I am especially grateful for the prospects of possibilities because this means that hope still lives within me. Last year, I was unable to see beyond my pain. This year, I am nervous and excited to explore the unknown. Same space, but such contrasting frames of mind and outlooks.

My experience with the beadwork really crystallized something for me: the power of releasing control and allowing authenticity to guide our creative and personal expressions. For me it is a good reminder to avoid the traps of perfectionism, aversion, and clinginess, and instead, to simply release rather than suppress or police our creative outlets.

As I enjoy my special day, I wish for you the necessary spaciousness to breathe and brace bravely as you forge ahead to the unknown adventures that await you. May whatever you encounter be met with an infinite source of resources, radical love, unending patience and a healthy sense of humor. Because what is life if you can't help but laugh about it from time to time.