Sikiliza

Violence..  When we talk about living in a culture of violence it is important that recognise that this will manifest in different ways and in our day to day lives. For instance, I have watched people who do not take no for an answer; they simply keep asking and asking and asking... and are tone deaf to see that this isn’t a consenting person at the other end, but simply someone worn down to the bone. I have seen people who bombard past lover’s lives; trying to undermine any hope of their moving on.... Incessantly obsessing about their movements, associations and developments. I have also watched hurt and disgruntled ex-lovers in so much pain there whole lives are defined by what was done to them... every waking minute is spent angry, regretful or in tears, a kind of paralysis...life stands still for them yet the rest of the whole world has moved on... it becomes the way we are instinctively  distrusting of our friends, associations and potential partners and some...

I   recognized your soul as soon as we met my love…. L ight up my path, sprinkle it with your awesome presence O nly you make me feel some kind of way...my person   V ow to me that you will never change, not one bit…! E dge closer my love and lets kiss until I melt into nothingness.. Y ou are everything....you are enough… O bsessed by you, think of you every waking moment… U nending waves of love course through all of me to you….

Self portrait - Oct 2018 In this my fortieth year, a very significant year.... I acknowledge the many experiences that serve as deep lessons. Two stick out. On health, wellness and caring for the self.  I started the year quite unwell from running myself to the bone with non-stop working, travelling and being in service and care for everyone except myself. My body and my mind came crashing to a halt and I was rudely reminded how frail life really is. Shuttling back and forth along hospital corridors, in between tough medical regimes, battle exchanges with my angry body, firm and candid conversations with doctors made things clear.   In order to live and live fully, not just the simple motions of day to day rigours...   I needed to really prioritise where, why and how I got to spend my finite energy and time in this embodiment and in my remaining time on earth. And you know what, I chose to prioritise things, experiences and people that are inherently ki...

You . I see you. I feel   stirrings…. I whisper your name Conjure your memory… And vividly taste your lips Soft, sublime… Unreal… but the sensations   Oh those are so real my love Goosebumps I bite my lip   Just at the thought   Of those lips and what they do,  and say, and play…. One look at your gaze With eyes like the moon Sultry slits or wide-eyed and endless pools I drown in the gaze of your eyes my love, And I see and feel everything You possess in you… I consume the universe you offer With those eyes that speak to me And intoxicate me …. And of course there is your smile   That melts all my insides That I live for that smile is a truth I am incomplete without that joy you capture in that wide grin that lights your face and everything around you And, I know right then That with you by my side   Life and after-life is possible And when our bodies merge  writhing ...

We knew the day would come   When we sought the counsel Wisdom, guidance and aegis of our foremothers Summoning those fierce spirits that epitomise resilience   Conjuring the passion in which they lived, loved and flourished Against a backdrop of constant sieges that wage battles on their bodies, mind and souls. Our foremothers never relented, or relinquishied themselves In their torn, broken battered bodies hid the spark of their true selves They chanted their names under their breath And under the choke of feet on their necks To remember, To always remember Their names and where they came from. Our foremothers used their last breath to exhale life   And the profoundness of all our ancestors And all their hopes and dreams into you and me   that one day our lives may be free of pain of bondage of our trauma to love   to be loved to be our true selves to remember our names to recognise where we came f...

Over the years I have been closeted in the most extraordinary of places. This time I would like to talk about being locked up in those dark spaces I will call shame .   Shame because I am a woman - implicitly or explicitly I have had family, friends and strangers tell me what I can or cannot do, say or think as a woman. And for the longest time I believed them.   Shame because my body - in all the phases of life often a first encounter with family, friends and strangers is their (unnecessary often unsavoury) comments - good or bad about our looks, body size, shape, weight you name it they say it. It is one of the most off putting habit most of us have internalised with barbs of innocuous comments. And there is a special room in the bowels of hell for those who believe in the false dichotomies of “beautiful and ugly people.” Ugh.   Shame because love - I am increasingly learning to simply leave in my past anyone who made me feel humiliated about...

Loose yourself sometimes... So as to find another part of yourself... Part of living is letting go of precious things That wound and hurt. The difficulty is in letting go And surprising yourself with room  For new encounters   That may go either way A necessary risk... But it is that faith in connecting with good things That keeps me going... I pray to connect with positive energies.... That build me instead of breaking me down. I know that all things, good and bad comes from within us.  Our love Our hate Our hurt Our warmth Our indifference Our compassion Our deception Our truths Our time Our patience Our impulses; Our thoughts and thoughtlessness Our actions and inactions... Each move we make stirs something within us and in those around us too. The drive, thrill, danger, love and the destructive nature we act on are our choices I hope my choices cause no harm to those I love And I pray that ch...

My 40th birthday approaches in a few weeks and I am sooo excited; and I was reflecting on some beautiful lessons I learned on four major pieces of life: BODY   raised as a site for oppression is now my place of emancipation.  BODY  waged in warfare and assault from non-consent, constant gaze, fat-shame, myths of beauty vs. ugliness, wounds, scars and blemishes .....all fleeting in the horizon now... the reflections of  BODY  form shows a new romance growing, learning to love body as it is. L A N G U A G E is powerful and deeply political. Words form weighted stones we pelt at each other every second, every minute all day every time. What wonder we often forget to interrogate the omnipresent backdrop in every encounter... #feminism   LOVE is possibility. A chance at grasping giving and receiving the strings of joy and of compassion. LOVE offers alive-ness, deep-ness and free-ness...LOVE is available over and over again and reduces another...

~ ~ ~ ...my heart bleeds  yet it beats my steps soft  still grounded yet my joy dimmed and the ember still glows. tears pour i hurt i ache but i will live. ~ but i will live because i ache i hurt tears pour and the ember still glows. yet my joy dimmed still grounded my steps soft yet it beats my heart bleeds... ~ ~ ~